Greetings, brave soul! I’m Matt, your guide on this wild ride called life. If you're ready to ditch the dysfunction, break free from self-sabotage, and finally find your path to true healing, you've come to the right place. You see, I’ve earned my PhD in human dysfunction, self-avoidance, and self-sabotage. So buckle up because we’re diving deep into my past, the layers of self-destruction I’ve been through, and how I’ve turned my chaos into wisdom—and how I can help you do the same.
My Early Years: A Symphony of Self-Destruction
Let’s start from the beginning. Picture a young Matt, stuffing his face with cookies until his stomach hurt. Yep, that was me—overeating to the point of stomach pains as a child. But it didn’t stop there. As I grew, my vices evolved. Drugs became my new way to numb the pain, culminating in an overdose and a brief stay in a mental hospital. Yet, amidst the chaos, I managed to graduate with two high school diplomas from different schools. A feat no one else can claim, and trust me, it wasn’t because I was a genius.
The Descent into Chaos
Sobriety from drugs led to a new addiction—alcohol. Fast forward to a night that should have been my wake-up call: I hit a tree at 70 mph, shattering my chin and breaking my jaw. Shockingly enough, that accident isn't what led me to get sober. As much as that incident should have been a red flag, I was still being a social drunk. In fact, that night I was party hopping with two friends, drinking margaritas out of my trunk. I thank God every day that neither of them was injured beyond a few scrapes and bruises. After this event, my drinking took a darker turn into isolation and depression. For the next eight years, I spiraled further, using alcohol to numb the pain. It wasn’t until I was faced with the prospect of living on the streets that I finally decided to get sober. Sometimes, rock bottom is the solid foundation we need to build a new life.
From Self-Destruction to Self-Improvement
Switching from destructive habits, I lost 60 pounds and changed careers from being an electrician to moving into the health and wellness field. But old habits die hard, and I found myself in high-stress, chaotic relationships with twin flames. If you don’t know what twin flames are, they’re like human magnets for your trauma. You either grow together or realize you’re too toxic for each other. The sex is amazing, which is why I stayed in these relationships for so long.
The Coffee Conundrum
More recently, I turned to coffee—up to 2 large iced Americanos a day, which equals 8 shots of espresso. I was on the verge of a panic attack and heart palpitations almost daily. I couldn't sit still long enough to feel anything. My survival patterns were alive and well.
Survival Patterns: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
Survival patterns are behaviors that originated from trauma and once served to protect us. However, over time, they can become maladaptive. Interestingly, they are not always negative. I have worked with many high-achieving clients who have gone to Ivy League schools, become entrepreneurs, doctors, lawyers, married their soulmates, and started wonderful families but still struggled to ever touch their emotions. We live in a society that praises the mind, thoughts, reason, logic, and objectivity. Emotions are messy, they are subjective, and they lead into the unknown places that scare the shit out of most people.
Here are the 15 most common survival patterns:
Overeating
Perfectionism
People-pleasing
Procrastination
Not trusting oneself
Workaholism
Addiction to substances
Avoidance of conflict
Control issues
Self-isolation
Chronic anxiety
Emotional numbing
Seeking constant validation
Hyper-independence
Chronic dissatisfaction
My Own Survival Patterns
My big five survival patterns are:
Overeating: Food is hands down the hardest pattern to break. You need food to live; it’s non-negotiable. Avoiding food isn’t an option, so managing this pattern requires constant vigilance. Numbing myself from emotional discomfort by feeling discomfort in my stomach, interestingly enough the seat of most emotions.
Perfectionism: This one’s tricky because it masquerades as a positive trait. Perfectionism leads to burnout and paralysis, preventing progress and growth. Part of the reason I am blogging so much is to challenge myself. Do you know how many times I've deleted entire articles because one sentence wasn't perfect? Too many to count.
People-Pleasing: I’d sacrifice my energy, time, and desires for others’ benefit. This pattern kept me in those toxic twin flame relationships, always giving and receiving little in return. This one is sneaky because I genuinely like helping others, especially navigating change in their lives.
Procrastination:Â Delaying actions and decisions, often to avoid facing uncomfortable emotions or potential failure. Why do today what I can do tomorrow? Because tomorrow's list keeps growing, and it overwhelms me, further triggering the overeating survival pattern.
Not Trusting Myself:Â Constantly doubting my decisions and instincts, leading to reliance on others for validation and guidance. Interestingly enough, before all my toxic relationships, there was a moment where I KNEW this person was not for me, like from the very center of my being, but I still went ahead and dated them. My latest ex, the first time I met her, my first thought was, "she's a bitch." What this crass message really meant was, this is a person who is going to trigger every wound you have, and you are not ready for that.
The Awakening: From Knowledge to Wisdom
Over the last decade, I’ve poured over self-development books, taken hundreds of hours of training, and spent tens of thousands of dollars on certifications. I accumulated knowledge but lacked wisdom. Knowledge is the accumulation of information; wisdom is implementing that knowledge into one’s life.
Embracing Emotions: The Path to Healing
By not listening to and feeling my own emotions for so long, I realized I had become numb to life. I felt like I was always walking around half asleep, directionless. I desperately needed something to change. I started working with my own coach who gently pushed me past my comfort zone to confront the emotions I had been avoiding for so long. It wasn't until I began to process my uncomfortable emotions of shame, guilt, anger, sadness, and fear that I was able to clear out space for the comfortable emotions like joy, excitement, contentment, and happiness. When this happened, everything changed.
I started showing up for myself differently. Instead of jumping from relationship to relationship, I decided to take time to work on myself, reconnecting to my core. This was scary because trusting my own voice has always been a big survival pattern. But if I wasn't able to regulate my own nervous system, how could I be in a relationship with another person and truly be there for myself and them?
I had always wanted to write a blog, to share my story in hopes of inspiring others that change is possible. I met a group of like-minded business people who I am partnering with to make some amazing changes in the world. I've started hosting breathwork workshops for large groups, which was always a fear. These things still make me nervous, but I am a big believer in feeling the fear and doing it anyway. I've been skydiving, hiked into the Grand Canyon, and camped at the bottom. When I was cut off from my emotions, it became infinitely harder to feel anything and to actually know what I wanted.
Confronting the Hard Truths
True change occurs only through confronting the emotions I want to avoid. My story illustrates the survival patterns that stemmed from my traumas and how facing my emotions head-on allowed me to heal.
Bringing It All to My Coaching Practice
When I first started my own journey, the word "transformation" kept echoing through my head. It wasn't just my own transformation but it was something I have always been drawn to in other people. Helping them navigate life's challenges so they could thrive in the ways they wanted to. Transformation can be messy and painful, but it is the most worthwhile thing you will ever do.
This journey of mine is not just a story—it's the foundation of my coaching practice. I understand firsthand the struggles of avoiding emotions and the chaos of survival patterns. My personal transformation is what fuels my passion for helping others navigate their own paths to healing.
Summary and Call to Action
My journey from self-destruction to self-improvement has been anything but easy. It’s been a wild ride filled with highs and lows, but every step has been worth it. By embracing my emotions and transforming knowledge into wisdom, I’ve found a path to healing.
If you’re struggling with survival patterns and want to break free, join me on this journey. It’s time to nourish and conquer your inner world, unlocking the potential for profound growth and healing. Remember, the only one who can heal you is you. So take the first step today, and let’s walk this path together.
Ready to start your journey? Reach out, and let’s conquer your inner world together.
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