Confusion Is the Teacher You Keep Avoiding
- Matt Stewart
- Jun 3
- 4 min read
“I’m just confused.”
I used to say that a lot. About work, love, and purpose. But truth? I wasn’t confused—I was just terrified of being wrong.
Confusion isn’t a problem. It’s a portal.
And if you let it, it will teach you exactly what’s been keeping you stuck.
Confusion Isn’t a Character Flaw—It’s a Nervous System Tantrum in a Lab Coat
Confusion isn’t just quirky indecision. It’s a full-body shutdown. A nervous system response.
When you’re confused, your body’s throwing a tantrum—stalling, freezing, trying to protect you from disappointment, rejection, or (God forbid) feeling your actual feelings.
Confusion is the freeze response pretending it went to Harvard.
Fight says “swing!” Flight says “run!” Freeze says “I don’t know… let’s wait for a sign.”
Spoiler: that “sign” is usually just you hoping someone else will decide your life for you.
Confusion Is What Happens When You Lose Trust in Yourself
Let’s call this what it really is: Confusion is the hangover that hits after years of breaking promises to yourself.
When you say yes when you mean no. When you ghost your gut instinct. When you wait for someone else to choose—so if it goes wrong, it’s their fault, not yours.
That’s not confusion. That’s self-trust erosion.
Most of us were trained to override our knowing for approval. To perform. To parent ourselves when our parents couldn’t.
So what looks like “I don’t know” is often “I don’t trust myself to know and act on it.”
Confusion is the mind going offline because your nervous system doesn’t believe you’ll listen. And that’s the real work—not clarity. Rebuilding a relationship with yourself where you can be trusted with your own truth.
The good news? That kind of trust isn’t inherited. It’s practiced.
It’s built one moment, one micro-decision at a time.
How to Use Confusion As a Teacher
1. Call It Out
Confusion isn’t who you are. It’s what your nervous system is doing.
Ask yourself:
What am I afraid will happen if I choose?
Whose approval am I chasing?
What does staying stuck actually cost me?
The moment you ask these, you go from being confused to witnessing confusion. That’s the upgrade—from lost pup to conscious observer.
And just by watching, you’re beginning to rebuild something you may not even realize you've lost: self-trust.
2. Regulate the Body First
You can’t TED Talk your way out of trauma. The body gets a vote—and it usually vetoes your overthinking.
Try this reset:
Sit down. Hand on heart, hand on belly.
Inhale for 4, hold for 2, exhale for 6.
Whisper: “It’s safe to not know. I am here. I am choosing presence.”
Your system doesn’t need more information. It needs safety. And safety is the first brick in the foundation of trust.
3. Let the Voices Talk It Out
There are always two voices:
The Fear Voice says, “If I do ____, I’ll be judged, fail, or ruin everything.”
The Knowing Voice says, “Even if I’m scared, I want to ______.”
Write them both. Let them hash it out like siblings in the backseat. Then decide who gets to drive.
Trust doesn’t mean picking the “right” voice. It means picking any voice—and having your own back.
4. Make One Micro-Decision
Forget the five-year plan. Just take one honest step. Send the email. Cancel the thing. Sign up. Say yes. Say no. Ask for space.
Trust is built in action. Every time you choose something—even imperfectly—you prove to your nervous system: I can handle this.
5. Grieve the Loss of the Fantasy
No one tells you this: confusion often feels safer than clarity—because once you choose, you lose all the other “you’s” you could have been.
And grief kicks in. You’re letting go of the fantasy versions of you: The one who moved to Bali, became a DJ, or married that emotionally unavailable person who definitely would’ve changed (they wouldn’t have).
So cry. Rage. Grieve.
And then trust that what you’re choosing now is enough. Trust that clarity isn’t something you get—it’s something you create.
Confusion Isn’t the Enemy—It’s the Initiation
Confusion is the invitation to finally become the adult in your own life. To stop waiting. To stop asking for permission. To stop avoiding your own wisdom because you’re afraid of what it will cost you.
You might still feel like that whiskey-soaked Bambi in the beginning—shaky, awkward, half-sure. But clarity isn’t clean. It’s earned.
And the man who walks himself through that uncertainty doesn’t come out confused. He comes out clear—and capable of leading his own damn life.
Call to Consciousness
Confusion is the universe handing you a mirror and whispering, “You already know.”
Slow down. Get present. Let it show you where you've been giving away your power—and where it’s time to take it back.
You don’t need to feel ready.
You just need to decide.
Still “Confused?” Good. That Means You're Close.
If you’re tired of outsourcing your choices, tiptoeing through your life, or waiting for someone to hand you permission—this is your line in the sand.
I help people rebuild self-trust, regulate their nervous systems, and actually follow through on the life they want to live—without needing a damn map.
If that’s you?
Let’s stop calling it confusion and start calling it what it is: the moment before the breakthrough.
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