The Missing Polarity: Why Self-Respect Matters Just as Much as Self-Love

What Polarity Meant When I Was an Electrician

When I was an electrician, polarity was simple. Positive and negative charges completing a circuit. Get it wrong, and nothing works... or worse, you blow a fuse.

But after years in the self-help space, I’ve come to see polarity differently. It’s the dance between masculine and feminine. Two distinct forces that aren’t meant to compete—they’re meant to complement. Like a lock and key. One opens. One turns. Together, they unlock deeper layers of love, chaos, growth, and intimacy.

First within yourself. Then with someone else.

But we’ve gotten stuck on one side of the equation.

The Obsession With Self-Love

We’ve been sold the gospel of self-love... and forgotten the gospel of self-respect.

Every Instagram post and influencer with a singing bowl keeps whispering:

“You are enough.”

“Just love yourself.”

“Your softness is your power.”

(Full disclosure: I've been to more of these than I'd like to admit.)

And sure... for people who’ve spent years trapped in shame and self-hatred, that message can be medicine.

But what happens when it becomes the only medicine?

Self-love without self-respect turns into spiritualized self-indulgence.

It makes softness a virtue and structure a sin.

We’ve overcorrected... and in doing so, we’ve lost polarity.

How the Feminine is Over-Correcting—and Why Men Are Checked Out

We’re teaching boys to be soft, sensitive, emotionally available—but not how to protect, direct, or ground themselves. We’re asking them to hold space without ever being taught how to take space.

Meanwhile, many women—tired of waiting for men to rise—are stepping into their animus, their inner masculine, leading with edge, independence, and intensity. Then wondering where all the strong men have gone.

Here’s the truth no one wants to say out loud:

Most men are confused. Most women are exhausted. And both are blaming each other for it.

This isn’t just a dating issue. It’s a cultural issue.

Anima, Animus, and the Collapse of Inner Polarity

Carl Jung called it the anima and animus—the feminine within the man, and the masculine within the woman. These aren’t gender roles... they’re inner energies.

When these energies are out of balance, chaos follows. When they’re integrated, you get something sacred.

We need both: the self-love that says, “You’re okay as you are,” and the self-respect that says, “I won’t let you stay small.”

When I Was 50 Pounds Overweight...

Let me make this real.

There was a time when I was over 50 pounds overweight. Tired, foggy, and ashamed of what I saw in the mirror. I didn’t need more self-love in that moment. I needed self-respect. I needed to earn my own trust again.

No one was shaming me. No one told me I was broken. But I knew I was out of integrity. I knew I was hiding.

So I didn’t light a candle and chant affirmations. I changed my damn habits. I showed up. I made new promises and kept them. I lifted weights, ate better, and sat with all the emotions I’d been numbing with food and alcohol.

Eventually, the love came. But not before the respect.

Self-love didn’t get me there... self-respect did.

And if you’re nodding your head right now, you probably already know what part of your life needs that kind of fire.

The Masculine Speaks: Structure, Devotion, Discipline

Polarity isn’t about men being stoic robots or women being docile flowers.

It’s about honoring the charge between strength and softness... structure and surrender... clarity and chaos.

It’s about remembering that without both, the circuit doesn’t complete. Nothing flows.

So the question isn’t “Am I loving myself enough?”

The question is: “Do I respect myself?”

How to Build Self-Respect (Without Becoming a Jerk)

If the answer is shaky, don’t panic. Here’s where to start:

1. Set Boundaries… and Stick to Them: Self-respect begins with knowing your limits. Say no when something doesn’t feel right. Say yes when it aligns with your values.→ Let your yes be sacred and your no be protective.

2. Keep Your Word to Yourself: Whether it's hitting the gym, waking up early, or staying off social media—follow through. Every time you honor your own promises, you build trust with yourself.→ Integrity isn’t about perfection. It’s about consistency.

3. Stop Seeking External Validation: If your self-worth is in someone else’s hands, you’re handing over your power. Validate your own effort, growth, and worth—daily.→ Respect grows when you stop needing permission to be enough.

4. Embrace Accountability, Not Shame: When you mess up (because you will), own it. Not with self-hatred—but with self-responsibility.→ Accountability is a form of self-respect. It says, “I am capable of doing better.”

5. Choose Discipline Over Impulse: Self-respect means playing the long game. Delay gratification. Make hard choices that serve your future self.→ Discipline isn’t punishment. It’s devotion to your potential.

Final Charge: Complete the Circuit

If self-love is the warm bath... self-respect is the cold plunge. One soothes. The other sharpens.

We need both.

And if we ever want to build polarity—in our relationships, in our leadership, in our lives—we need to stop playing favorites and complete the damn circuit.

Join the Brotherhood. Reclaim the Fire.

If you’re a man reading this and feeling the call... good. That tension in your chest? That’s your Wildman stirring.

The Wildman Brotherhood in Salem, MA isn’t a support group. It’s a forge. A place for men to commune together, build deeper friendships, and practice the lost arts of accountability, direct communication, and growth.

This is where men remember who the hell they are.

If you’re ready to step into a space where your power is welcome—and your bullshit isn’t—reach out.

Let’s complete the circuit. Together.

Find Your Inner Wildman